Archive for the ‘Prayer of Thankfulness For My Uniqueness’ Category

Thankfulness For My Uniqueness

January 5, 2010

Prayer of Thankfulness for My Uniqueness 6Jul09

Father, here I am again. How do I maintain some sort of consistency, of coherence, of “threaded-ness” in prayer? How do I maintain over the long haul? What is the key to persistence (or what are the keys)? I know a hunger to know you is one. I’m finding that more and more—in the evenings, when temptations come, there is a desire to please you, to not do anything that would cause separation between us. I hear your voice when you encourage me through the day, telling me that you have my whole life under control, that I can trust you fully to bring everything I need into my life, that I don’t have to strive. That is so precious to me, so tender it brings tears to my eyes right now. I love you so much, and appreciate those intimate touches, those times of bathing in the certainty of your love. Of course I wish they were more often, and more intense, but I am so thankful even to have them…I don’t remember them.

And then you send people like Gregg Finley to remind me that I have a history that has spoken into the lives of others, for him to see me choose Iris, un-beautiful (to the world’s eye), choosing a greater inner beauty, to deliberately have chosen someone in a wheelchair, handicapped, physically deformed, not physically desirable to almost all. And how I had written in a book I gave or loaned him about my desire to wash her with the water of the word, to bring her into the perfection of the Bride—I don’t remember doing that, but I must have, I’m sure of that. And then to be able to tell him how I came to be with Diane, asking her to marry me sight-unseen, and then following through even when repulsed by her weight, choosing again to go for inner beauty and depth. And here we are, coming on 10 years.

And then yesterday, looking at the house we’ve built—different, custom, totally unique, our own design and creation…to realize that over the years, you have made me not care what the world thought, made me different and aware of that difference enough to stand alone, to become my own man. That revelation was your voice speaking to me, encouraging me, applauding me. I thank you for that, Father.

Father, thank you for making me me. Thank you for not making me fit into anyone else’s mold. Yes, I have used that uniqueness to rebel against you sometimes, to insist on my ways over yours, but I keep coming back to you and the unique way you made me, the person who is appreciated by the Gregg Finleys and by Iris and Diane and our kids and grandkids…and I am humbled, and so grateful. I love you so much, Father. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And when I get to the end of this life, I really don’t care so much that I have succeeded in superficial, surface ways. I want the depth to be there, the memories of those who have loved me and seen me walk the path you’ve laid out for me, and that I have agreed to, and even helped blaze. I want a treasury of memories of having been kind and helpful and loving, of having poured into those who were unlovely, who had no standing in the world. I want to pour words of encouragement into others, and acts of service and love and giving, and life simply by my presence, by my choice of whom I commit to. That is the main consistency I want, a life spent walking as a prayer, a connecting-link between those I meet and you, Father, a way of bringing integrity and wholeness in and through me, in such a way that others know you more by knowing me, or having known me.