LEGACY 9: ADDING VALUE TO PEOPLE

(Originally written 9/23/14)

Who can assign the value of a single soul? One of the most basic and rock-solid tenets of the Judeo-Christian heritage is the value of each individual.

One of the most chilling lines in literature is on the final page of James Clavell’s Whirlwind. In the setting of Ayatollah Khomeini’s 1979 takeover of Iran, here a muzzein sits horseback, looking down on the British compound, says to himself, “We will defeat you. We will defeat you because you value one soul too much.”

What—or Who—gives value to human beings? How is worth determined? One of the most basic ways we do it in our own lives is by the choices we make with expendable, often non-renewable—treasures—time, energy, resources, momentary attitudes and attachments. We say to people by our actions, “You have worth”—or we fail to give them that added value.

Focus is one of the greatest gifts we can give. My oldest granddaughter, now grown, used to grab my cheeks in her hands and pull my face into hers, as if to say, “Pay attention to me! I’m important enough for you not to have a divided focus while I’m talking to you!” And she was. She was pointing me to the real value she felt she had—and did.

One comment I’ve heard about the most respected leaders is their ability to give the person they’re engaging with full engagement, a sense that they are at that moment the most important person in the world. This captivates people, partly because it is so rare. We hunger desperately to know we are important, that we have worth, value, significance. And we will spend vast and precious resources to feel that, even for a fleeting and destructive moment, our “15 minutes of fame,” as it were.

How do we keep that value in the forefront? It’s not easy, but the answer is classic and ageless. The Golden Rule has been around for millennia—“Treat others as you want to be treated.” I like the adaptation of it that has been called the Platinum Rule—“Treat others as they want to be treated.”  That can be more difficult, simply because it assumes we are adequately able to discern what the other truly wants—and we are at best conflicted people. Still, focusing on the needs and desires of the other takes to focus outside ourselves, and enables us to be less self-centered, even if only for a golden moment that can sometimes create immeasurable value, a sense of worth that transcends time. It’s rare, yes—but worth striving for.

Humans have intrinsic value before anyone gives it to them, but we can add to that value by our interaction. We can add to that, or we can strip it away. “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words…” can do far more damage. And words reflect underlying attitudes, the root they are fruit from. Be fruit-full in the best way.

The Golden Rule of Blogging (and Most Other Things That Matter In Life)

Couple days ago, I read a blog called “The One Top Secret Blogging Tip You Can’t Live Without (Not Really).” It really is the best advice I’ve seen on how to spread your blogging (not that I’ve really seen that much—as you will see by what I say regarding his advice). It’s by chiefofleast.com, a guy named Bryan Daniels, by his own description “a budding husband, father, teacher, student, coach and friend.” His response was at least partly in response to a request by me (one he frequently gets) for help in figuring out how to make my blog better. His advice, in a single word, is this: Listen!

Listen to what other bloggers who are saying things similar to what you’re saying. Listen to bloggers who interest you. Listen, and network, and connect. Offer them honest praise.

And really, when you think about it, isn’t that what the “Golden Rule” says? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Duh. I want people to read my blog, so how do I translate that into the Golden Rule? Simple: Read their blogs. Connect with them. Make them feel the way I want to feel.

Honestly, I haven’t done that. Somehow I justified it with, “I don’t have time,” or some other blather I told myself. But I’ve started. Thank you, Chief of Least!

 In two short months it’s worked for Bryan—he’s gone from 16 subscribers (including his mom, wife, and good friends) for the entire fifteen months, to over 1,150 followers, according to his counter. Pretty good investment, I’d say—a 7200% return in two months, which translates into a 43,000% return in a year! (Man, if we could do that with money, we could wipe out the entire world’s debt in a few short years, and our own would only take the couple of months!)

Call it networking, call it connecting—at the heart of it, what makes it really work is listening. It’s about making the other person feel important. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the Christian who stood against Hitler—at the wise young age of 33, six short years before he was martyred for that stand—wrote a little book titled Life Together, based on lessons he had learned as the leader of a small band of seminarians in pre-WW2 Germany. He identifies what he calls “Ministry” (chapter 4 in the translation by John W. Doberstein published by Harper & Row in 1974), and lists a number of little-thought-about “ministries,” the first being “The Ministry of Holding One’s Tongue.” The section on “The Ministry of Listening,” less than two short pages, has these gems (and this is about half the content that is there!):

The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them…

Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening. But he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words. One who cannot listen long and patiently will presently be talking beside the point and be never really speaking to others, albeit he may not be conscious of it. Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself and for his own follies.

…There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person…It is little wonder that we are no longer capable of the greatest service of listening that God has committed to us, that of hearing our brother’s confession, if we refuse to give ear to our brother on lesser subjects. Secular education today [keep in mind, this was 1939] is aware that often a person can be helped merely by having someone who will listen to him seriously…But Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by Him who is Himself the great listener and whose work they should share. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.

So, I want to offer myself to listen to you. I need to learn this. My email address is on my blog here if you want to write to me personally, or just comment below.

I’ll probably get overwhelmed, so if I don’t answer right away, please be patient with me. And while you’re waiting, maybe you could think about giving someone else the gift of listening…